The beginning of the end is the beginning

by muddy feet mama

End of the beginning

Jay thought he’d be documenting his last stages, ever the writer.  But his interests have become extremely restricted.  He sleeps so much he is forgetting which morning or afternoon certain things were discussed.  His body has started to restrict blood flow to his limbs.  A few days ago his hands and feet were freezing cold, today he is starting to shake under his own weight.  He has functionally stopped eating.  He is still committed to attending to his children and their immediate needs, but he is less and less able to consider the mundane issues of the future….  he has no future, at least in this realm.  I understand this, but it marks the beginning of my solitary life.  We are separating.

I am ushering my love and all our kids through this incredible time.  Jay said goodbye to his father tonight.  Jay’s ex Erin is scrambling to take Quinn and Mac from our family immediately after Jay dies…  All future posts I plan on expanding upon.

Suffice it to say, I think it will be me who writes the daily journal of these last weeks together.  Stay tunes as the drama unfolds.